A good day, but hard stuff

A good day
A good several days
Enjoying life
Enjoying work
Thankful for the peace
And a sense of purpose

And yet I'm exhausted now
Some big emotional stuff
And a battle...is it way more of a spiritual battle than I imagine?
I rest in You tonight
I'm feeling a little low
I need to go to bed
Maybe sleep will restore energy

And so tonight I cry out to You Father
Lead my sleep
Lead my thoughts
Lead me to wake seeking Your presence
Knowing You near
Lead me to know
How to live
What to say
What not to say

Lead me heart in peace
There is such anger
But finally also grief
and fear
for what could be lost

I don't want to get involved in all this again
I was the one

...to find the websites
...to confront, push, prod
...hear the confessions
...offer grace
...invest, to facilitate healing
...the cost was so darn great
...the recovery isn't yet complete
...having it all, in the end rejected
...feeling manipulated and used

I don't want to get involved again
to be the nasty one to confront
to point out the errors
but neither do I want to see others hurt and used
not on my watch

and maybe...there really is growth
maybe there is hope
but there must first be refining
only if he is willing for the refining
thankfully
this time
there will be (or should be) others that can be the up close and personal ones
others to take charge
require an accounting

God, (and I've said this before),
If he is Your child
Then speak loudly
Lead, direct, do NOT let him get away with
pushing for his way
dishonouring Your name
hurting others

Show me what to do
How to live
What to say
And how to hear You, do what I need to do
And then leave it with You
It shouldn't require sleepless nights
At least not nights of worry, anxiety or anger
And I don't want to cry any more tears about this
about him
protect the children
help them to grow in wisdom
and know how to be on guard