Lord, I'm feeling lonely and lost tonight. Last night was a little like this too. Lots of hope and goodness in the day, but struggle at night, after unsettling news about others. How can I lay this down? How can I learn to just live my life and let them live theirs? And it disturbs me, how fragile is this grip on hope...comes and goes. And yet...I'm building. I know I'm just recovering, trying to recover from this burnout, slowly trying to build habits in reverse of what led me there. I am truly doing better than a month ago. And I am mostly doing better in those habits...I believe they will help...more prayer, more exercise (walking), less work...
And I lay this down...root me in You Jesus. I don't want to be so affected by these things... so shaken. I need a life, I want that life, that abundant life You said You came to give. I thought I had it, sometimes I still feel I do.
As I think about the journey soon to begin, there is an anticipation. I think...there is such an opportunity for deep change, a weening off of external and surface living, and into a deeper living with You. This is what I long for. So much else should change too...but I'm not looking for that so much, it will only be seen more clearly in retrospect.
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