This Day... This Week...

Oh LORD, what have I done
In the passion and excitement of new ideas and being away from the craziness of the office
I thought we could sign up for the 1 week conference next week
What a great opportunity
What help it will bring us
What a good opportunity--to travel and learn together, providing a foundation for further conversations

But now I see all that needs to be done
It was already busy before we left
Just manageable enough
And me...
Operating with less energy than before

God...should we cancel this
Or is it good pressure to make me go forward and make some more decisions

And here I am, at the beginning of the day
Supposed to come into Your Presence to seek and learn
Start with opening
And that "slow down"
Oh how I need to slow down...

The panic rises LORD, the stress...the unbelief
I fight it though
I come to You with all I am
Bringing this
Even in this
You say You are here
You will lead
You will give wisdom for those who need it and ask
I need it
I come
I ask

God of me
You who love me
Here I am
Me, the one You love
Coming to You for grace and mercy
In the midst of stuff that seems so big and that I never seem to be able to figure out
Peanuts to You, small stuff
Show me how to live

God help.
I am a mess.
There is nothing in me today that wants to hold the course, work hard, put up with stuff, press on.
I just want to lay down and die...well, figuratively speaking. Lay down, give up, not push through.
Yeah, I'm fighting something...physically. I'm sure it plays a role.
And I'm tired. 
I'm tired of setting up processes that don't get followed through.
I'm tired of others not following through on things they are responsible for.
I'm tired of having to remember, and remind and... the brain load that adds.
And somehow today I think that let's me have a lousy attitude, give up on my responsibilities, think You aren't enough for this...
But that's all wrong... I know
Stinking attitude right on through...
God... this is me
The real me
The one You love
The one...I wish wasn't like this

Yesterday read about 4 Assumptions... Read and agreed, yet today...
God help

For this day, for this week

Lord, I cry out to You for this day, for this week.

I need help, to regain energy again. The past 3 weeks were starting to go so good, even on my days off I had energy to do stuff, but then yesterday...such a sluggishness has come again, I'm so lethargic. I had 2 days off this week.  On the first one there was lots of energy, but then I had a rather intense (1 on 1 conversations) 9 hour day, then that second day off...didn't have energy to do squat. And when tired, thought to nap, could hardly get to sleep. All I did was read novels...which was good too.

The only difference in my routine from previously is that now I haven't walked 5 days in a row. Before that I had 4 days in a row of walking more than 40 minutes. And a few long days. Oh, and I haven't connected much with friends and family either.

Lord help...help me to live life, to learn how to live responsibly--spending time on things needed, not letting so much pile up. I need to put the brakes on on some things, but I'm not sure what, and I need to keep up the routines that I'm finding to be helpful and healthy.

And if this keeps up, I'm afaid I'll move into overwhelmed, despair, not hearing from You again.

Father, help me this day, to know how to live, to know what to do, and to do it.
Restore my joy. Restore my hope.
May I know You, hear You, walk with You, be held by You. Live in Your joy and love. Live OUT Your joy and love.
 And, again, in Jesus name I bind the enemy--don't know if or how much of this is from him, I do know he'd love to see me sink into lethargy and uselessness--so, just in case.
In Jesus Name