Tears again today, at weird times
Such a mixture of emotions Lord
As we prayed, after talking
I was praying
And suddenly I couldn't speak
I don't know quite WHAT to pray for in this situation
There is some very good stuff happening
But some very frightening things just staying there the same
God, we cry out to You.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Meet me here
Jesus,
Can you meet me here today?
I'm so tired, know I need to
regroup
recentre
connect with You
and plan for staying connected this week
...even through and into the weekend
...even with new possibilities looming
So much I need to hear from You
So much wisdom and discernment needed
Can you meet me here today?
I'm so tired, know I need to
regroup
recentre
connect with You
and plan for staying connected this week
...even through and into the weekend
...even with new possibilities looming
So much I need to hear from You
So much wisdom and discernment needed
Thursday, November 22, 2012
I want to cry
I want to cry
But maybe I'll cry out to You instead.
Or maybe both
Don't know what's going wrong today...interactions with colleagues just all around difficult. No point in having that afternoon meeting if we cannot first figure out how to do it better.
I need to get myself in order, then be able to love and hear others.
Do I need a nap?
Do I need to pray?
God, what happened?
Now is 'examen' time--Lord, I've thanked you, that I can see these negative emotions, that I realize stuff like this always happens around this time of year.
Examen step 2: Lord, please show me my sin, not just the surface sin, but the roots...
Today, Revelation...freaky image of Jesus with a sword coming out of His mouth. Was I communicating with a sword coming out of my mouth this a.m.? I didn't think so, and if I was, probably not the same as what the image of Jesus was meant to provoke.
Jesus, in the middle of this day.
I cry out to you
I don't know what's wrong
I just know some things aren't right
and I don't want this day to continue, or to end, the way it is now.
Somehow step in
Show me who You are
Help me rise above
Change this heart
Bring joy and peace, and renewed perspective.
But maybe I'll cry out to You instead.
Or maybe both
Don't know what's going wrong today...interactions with colleagues just all around difficult. No point in having that afternoon meeting if we cannot first figure out how to do it better.
I need to get myself in order, then be able to love and hear others.
Do I need a nap?
Do I need to pray?
God, what happened?
Now is 'examen' time--Lord, I've thanked you, that I can see these negative emotions, that I realize stuff like this always happens around this time of year.
Examen step 2: Lord, please show me my sin, not just the surface sin, but the roots...
Today, Revelation...freaky image of Jesus with a sword coming out of His mouth. Was I communicating with a sword coming out of my mouth this a.m.? I didn't think so, and if I was, probably not the same as what the image of Jesus was meant to provoke.
Jesus, in the middle of this day.
I cry out to you
I don't know what's wrong
I just know some things aren't right
and I don't want this day to continue, or to end, the way it is now.
Somehow step in
Show me who You are
Help me rise above
Change this heart
Bring joy and peace, and renewed perspective.
Monday, November 19, 2012
For tomorrow...
Jesus...at the end of this day
I ask you for tomorrow...
Oh God help...
Help me please to get back into rhythm
Into the wanting to be in Your Presence
And being able to really settle in
And meet You
And hear
And know, really know You are there
Know You are here
Here...
Loving
Watching
Guiding
Holding all in Your power
The last few weeks...
So OUT of the habit
Feels like I'm starting all over again
Draw me please Lord
Into Your presence
Please bless my sleep
so it is refreshing
Or, if I wake in the middle of the night
May I wake up yearning to be with you
And then go into time of meeting You
in the Journey...
I ask you for tomorrow...
Oh God help...
Help me please to get back into rhythm
Into the wanting to be in Your Presence
And being able to really settle in
And meet You
And hear
And know, really know You are there
Know You are here
Here...
Loving
Watching
Guiding
Holding all in Your power
The last few weeks...
So OUT of the habit
Feels like I'm starting all over again
Draw me please Lord
Into Your presence
Please bless my sleep
so it is refreshing
Or, if I wake in the middle of the night
May I wake up yearning to be with you
And then go into time of meeting You
in the Journey...
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
This Day... This Week...
Oh LORD, what have I done
In the passion and excitement of new ideas and being away from the craziness of the office
I thought we could sign up for the 1 week conference next week
What a great opportunity
What help it will bring us
What a good opportunity--to travel and learn together, providing a foundation for further conversations
But now I see all that needs to be done
It was already busy before we left
Just manageable enough
And me...
Operating with less energy than before
God...should we cancel this
Or is it good pressure to make me go forward and make some more decisions
And here I am, at the beginning of the day
Supposed to come into Your Presence to seek and learn
Start with opening
And that "slow down"
Oh how I need to slow down...
The panic rises LORD, the stress...the unbelief
I fight it though
I come to You with all I am
Bringing this
Even in this
You say You are here
You will lead
You will give wisdom for those who need it and ask
I need it
I come
I ask
God of me
You who love me
Here I am
Me, the one You love
Coming to You for grace and mercy
In the midst of stuff that seems so big and that I never seem to be able to figure out
Peanuts to You, small stuff
Show me how to live
In the passion and excitement of new ideas and being away from the craziness of the office
I thought we could sign up for the 1 week conference next week
What a great opportunity
What help it will bring us
What a good opportunity--to travel and learn together, providing a foundation for further conversations
But now I see all that needs to be done
It was already busy before we left
Just manageable enough
And me...
Operating with less energy than before
God...should we cancel this
Or is it good pressure to make me go forward and make some more decisions
And here I am, at the beginning of the day
Supposed to come into Your Presence to seek and learn
Start with opening
And that "slow down"
Oh how I need to slow down...
The panic rises LORD, the stress...the unbelief
I fight it though
I come to You with all I am
Bringing this
Even in this
You say You are here
You will lead
You will give wisdom for those who need it and ask
I need it
I come
I ask
God of me
You who love me
Here I am
Me, the one You love
Coming to You for grace and mercy
In the midst of stuff that seems so big and that I never seem to be able to figure out
Peanuts to You, small stuff
Show me how to live
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
God help.
I am a mess.
There is nothing in me today that wants to hold the course, work hard, put up with stuff, press on.
I just want to lay down and die...well, figuratively speaking. Lay down, give up, not push through.
Yeah, I'm fighting something...physically. I'm sure it plays a role.
And I'm tired.
I'm tired of setting up processes that don't get followed through.
I'm tired of others not following through on things they are responsible for.
I'm tired of having to remember, and remind and... the brain load that adds.
And somehow today I think that let's me have a lousy attitude, give up on my responsibilities, think You aren't enough for this...
But that's all wrong... I know
Stinking attitude right on through...
God... this is me
The real me
The one You love
The one...I wish wasn't like this
Yesterday read about 4 Assumptions... Read and agreed, yet today...
God help
I am a mess.
There is nothing in me today that wants to hold the course, work hard, put up with stuff, press on.
I just want to lay down and die...well, figuratively speaking. Lay down, give up, not push through.
Yeah, I'm fighting something...physically. I'm sure it plays a role.
And I'm tired.
I'm tired of setting up processes that don't get followed through.
I'm tired of others not following through on things they are responsible for.
I'm tired of having to remember, and remind and... the brain load that adds.
And somehow today I think that let's me have a lousy attitude, give up on my responsibilities, think You aren't enough for this...
But that's all wrong... I know
Stinking attitude right on through...
God... this is me
The real me
The one You love
The one...I wish wasn't like this
Yesterday read about 4 Assumptions... Read and agreed, yet today...
God help
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
For this day, for this week
Lord, I cry out to You for this day, for this week.
I need help, to regain energy again. The past 3 weeks were starting to go so good, even on my days off I had energy to do stuff, but then yesterday...such a sluggishness has come again, I'm so lethargic. I had 2 days off this week. On the first one there was lots of energy, but then I had a rather intense (1 on 1 conversations) 9 hour day, then that second day off...didn't have energy to do squat. And when tired, thought to nap, could hardly get to sleep. All I did was read novels...which was good too.
The only difference in my routine from previously is that now I haven't walked 5 days in a row. Before that I had 4 days in a row of walking more than 40 minutes. And a few long days. Oh, and I haven't connected much with friends and family either.
Lord help...help me to live life, to learn how to live responsibly--spending time on things needed, not letting so much pile up. I need to put the brakes on on some things, but I'm not sure what, and I need to keep up the routines that I'm finding to be helpful and healthy.
And if this keeps up, I'm afaid I'll move into overwhelmed, despair, not hearing from You again.
Father, help me this day, to know how to live, to know what to do, and to do it.
Restore my joy. Restore my hope.
May I know You, hear You, walk with You, be held by You. Live in Your joy and love. Live OUT Your joy and love.
And, again, in Jesus name I bind the enemy--don't know if or how much of this is from him, I do know he'd love to see me sink into lethargy and uselessness--so, just in case.
In Jesus Name
I need help, to regain energy again. The past 3 weeks were starting to go so good, even on my days off I had energy to do stuff, but then yesterday...such a sluggishness has come again, I'm so lethargic. I had 2 days off this week. On the first one there was lots of energy, but then I had a rather intense (1 on 1 conversations) 9 hour day, then that second day off...didn't have energy to do squat. And when tired, thought to nap, could hardly get to sleep. All I did was read novels...which was good too.
The only difference in my routine from previously is that now I haven't walked 5 days in a row. Before that I had 4 days in a row of walking more than 40 minutes. And a few long days. Oh, and I haven't connected much with friends and family either.
Lord help...help me to live life, to learn how to live responsibly--spending time on things needed, not letting so much pile up. I need to put the brakes on on some things, but I'm not sure what, and I need to keep up the routines that I'm finding to be helpful and healthy.
And if this keeps up, I'm afaid I'll move into overwhelmed, despair, not hearing from You again.
Father, help me this day, to know how to live, to know what to do, and to do it.
Restore my joy. Restore my hope.
May I know You, hear You, walk with You, be held by You. Live in Your joy and love. Live OUT Your joy and love.
And, again, in Jesus name I bind the enemy--don't know if or how much of this is from him, I do know he'd love to see me sink into lethargy and uselessness--so, just in case.
In Jesus Name
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